The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
