If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
