he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
