she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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