everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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