i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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