Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
