i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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