I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
