laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
