my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
