got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
