Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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