dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
