your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
