she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
