Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
