Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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