I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Randomize
