If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
