Can i not drive my cunt home
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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