Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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