Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
