Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
