Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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