anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
