I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
