gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
