At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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