But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
