Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
