so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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