i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
