Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
