I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
should my penis look like a turkey
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
