What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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