I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
