I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it wasn't lemon gatorade
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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