Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
