You can't special order awesome
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
