I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
