i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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