On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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