Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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