honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
