I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
