FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
