I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
