Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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