First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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